Listening is always the first step in solving problems.
Good parents are good listeners listening to your child can keep you updated about what’s going on in your child’s life. Listening is always a first step. Listening to your child can connect you with your child.
But is always the first step listening to your child, you can save him from many problems like anxiety, depression, and even suicide.
According to the latest research report published in HealthDay News on 9th July 2019, children tend to do well at the school level and overcome tough times who have at least one parent who listens to them. Parent listening to their children can save their children from toxic stress caused to them by others.
Listen to anything your children want to tell you.If YOU DON’T LISTEN to the small stuff now,they won’t tell you the big stuff LATER.
– Jatin Tyagi
Listening is always a first step
If you listen to your child, your child will start unwrapping his feelings and emotions in front of you. During this transition, a child will start sharing his good and bad experiences of his daily life. A time will come when your child will also share things that you have never expected.
Listening is therapy and a way to keep your child away from depression and many other life-long problems.
“The most important way to talk so your child will listen is to listen to your child,” says New York City psychoanalyst Gail Saltz, MD, author of several books.
“If they feel listened to, they are more likely to be able to listen and will feel more understood, have more trust, and be more interested in what you have to say.”
Mark Kopta, Ph.D., chairman, and professor of psychology at the University of Evansville, in Indiana, agrees. “You are much more likely to get a child to listen to you if first, you listen to them,” he says. “My golden rule is, ‘When you have trouble with a child, listen to the first and then empathize with them.’
No matter if you are a parent of a kid or a teenager, you have to follow this give and take rule. You listen to them, and in return, they listen to you. Here I do not deny how important your child listens to you, but my focus is on your child’s mental level. If you listen to your child, you are actually saving your child from many serious problems. Listening is always a first step for bigger solution you need to listen to others.
There are many types of listeners, but here I will discuss a few major ones. Try to find which type of listener are you?
Being a parent, you may act as a different type of listener depending on the situation.
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Non-listeners
Some parents are good talkers and do not pay attention to what their child wants to say because they have a long list of instructions for their child. A list of do’s and don’ts. In this way, the child becomes introverted and never finds comfortable sharing his own viewpoint in front of parents and others. These parents either do not have time to listen or do not consider that they also need to listen.
Children of these parents usually do not share their feelings with anyone.
2. Pretend listeners
Sometimes we are so busy with our own work, not necessarily that it’s our own personal work. It can be work-related to your child, but you don’t have time to listen to your child. Remember good parents are good listeners. Listening is always a first step to solve bigger problems.
As you feel your child is so desperate to share his opinion or any incident e that he has recently experienced, you don’t want to stop him, but at the same time, you cannot give your hundred percent attention to him. In this way, you actually pretend that you are listening, but you are not in actuality. Most children are so smart that they quickly find out that their parent is not listening to them.
Children stop sharing their feeling after some time when they feel that no one is listening to them.
3. Active listeners
A most important type of listener. Good parents are good listeners Listening is a superpower. Firstly, You need to act as an active listener when you find out your child is in stress or is talking about something fundamental. Secondly, You cannot act as an active listener all the time with your child. You can bring a real difference in your child’s life like he can show improvement at school grades, behavior with friends, and family even you will find a new level of energy in your child.
Active listening is paying a hundred percent attention to what the speaker is saying. The listener is also showing his interest by simply nodding or giving short reassuring responses like yah! Ok! Really! Oh! etc. You have to show that you are not only listening but also comprehending what your child is saying.
Do not interrupt. Just ignore everyone and everything around you. Just listen solely to your child. During active listening, there is no margin of judgment and evaluation. It is not the time to object, question, or even help your child. It’s simply a time to accept what your child is saying. Yes, most parents will resist here that how can they agree to whatever their child is saying to them. Let me clear my point. It’s not about agreeing. It’s actually accepting what your child is talking about. Accept his point of view as it is, and later on, you can agree or disagree with your child’s opinion, but please let your child finish his side of the story first.
How to become an active listener?
Good parents are good listeners become a good listener, yes, an active listener, you need to practice off course because practice makes a man perfect. It’s just like learning a new recipe to cook or learning a new subject. As we are not brought up in this manner where our parents were active listeners. So we need to learn to become active listeners.
Let me explain to you a situation by which you will understand how active listening can make a difference in your child’s life. For example, if your child is agitated and talking bad about her school, listen to her by paying attention and not being judgemental and not giving any solution during her conversation. Do not interrupt. Listen to her and accept whatever she says and make her believe that you are also accepting whatever she is talking about. Empower your child. In this way, she will discuss everything in detail, and you might come up with a clear picture of what is bothering your child.
Once you find out the problem, you can reach the solution. What if you have interrupted in the middle of the conversation or have not listened carefully? Then your child might not be able to convey the detailed situation. Many children keep their problems limited to themselves, which might come out in depression or any other negative forms later in their lives.
Finally, we need to establish a strong bond of trust between our children and us to share their problems with us. Listening to them can lead us towards a better solution to their problems. Listening to them can bring confidence in them; they feel important and more connected to you. Listening can be the first step in solving the problem.
Be there when they need you!